The Real Best Breakfast

*My new apartment is located almost directly above a small diner that so cleverly calls itself “Best Breakfast Place.” They serve slimy eggs, paper-towel-warranting bacon, and Texas toast at unheard-of-cheap prices, and ketchup out of No-Frills bottles, clearly purchased equally as cheaply directly across the street. Every time we eat there I usually leave feeling like a bag of smashed assholes. Thus, I present you: the real Best Breakfast.

Breakfast definitely is the best meal of the day—there’s nothing like that perfect mix of taste and satiety and the feeling that you’ve got something to power you through whatever you shall face in the next 16 hours. Unless dessert counts as a meal, of course.

My problem with breakfast? I’m always still hungry. (I guess that’s my problem most of the time.) But there’s no way I’m getting up an extra half-hour or so to cook oatmeal. I’m still working on the whole “morning person” thing.

So when Gena over at Choosing Raw posted this breakfast recipe last week, I knew I had to plot out my own version, ASAP. Though this breakfast’s not totally raw, it’s less cooked than your standard meal, and all the grains and pseudo-grains are soaked, making them easier to digest, so you feel satiated, but not bloated. Plus you can literally pour this bowl for yourself the night before, pop it in the fridge, then in the morning just stand and eat it, like, straight from the fridge. Gotta love fridge-eating. Total breakfast #win!

No-Sweat Overnight Oats 

(high raw, vegan, gluten-free if you use certified GF oats, soy-free sugar-free depending on your toppings)

Ingredients: – This list may appear intimidating but it’s totally customizable to your own tastes!

1/4 cup oats (I used steel-cut oats which are less processed than standard rolled oats)

1/4 cup quinoa flakes

1/4 cup chia cereal like Ruth’s or Holy Crap! brand, or 1/4 cup chia seeds

1 tbsp natural almond butter, cashew butter, or nut butter of your choice

1 banana, chopped

1 tsp hemp seeds

1 tsp sprouted flax

handful of walnuts

1 tbsp goji berries

1 tbsp cacao nibs

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1 cup unsweetened almond milk or milk of your choice

optional: crumbs saved from making Perfectly Protein Chocolate Almond Butter Bars

Directions:

Pour all ingredients in a bowl and place in fridge overnight. in the morning, use a spoon to transfer ingredients from bowl to mouth. Chew, chew, taste, swallow, enjoy!

Brunch Like a Cave(wo)man

The more and more research I do re: the candida diet, the more and more I see its resemblances to the paleo, or caveman way of eating: No gluten. No sugar. Heavy emphasis on meats and proteins. (What I really mean by this, is that lately I’ve been hacking recipes from paleo bloggers.) Usually I stick to the raw- vegan- superfood- ideal, but being off fruit, the majority of nuts, yeast and sugar it’s been tough to use a lot of their suggestions.

On a side note, I’ve really upped my green smoothie quota this week week, and they’re just worlds and worlds better with my homemade almond milk. But making lots of homemade almond milk means loads and loads more of almond pulp… pulp I don’t want to just throw down the drain. I’d thought about scrubbing my face with it, or turning it into granola… but then I found this recipe and forgot about all of that.

It’s Sunday. It’s brunch time. It’s cave(wo)man food time. And thus, I present you:

MAN-CAKES (sugar-free, gluten-free)

(Idea copped and adapted from Mark’s Daily Apple)

Ingredients:

1 cup almond meal/pulp (you can get almond meal store-bought too)

3 eggs

Dash of vanilla extract

Pinch of cinnamon

Directions:

Mix all ingredients together. Fry, preferable in coconut oil. Drizzle with maple syrup (YUM), or make the sugar-free syrup as below!

Now eat. Eat like man. Hungry man. Hungry man who only has time for four ingredients! NOM NOM.

Butter Syrup (as pictured above, sugar-free, vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, etc.)

(adapted from The Love Vitamin)

1 tablespoon coconut butter (normal butter is fine too)

1 teaspoon vanilla

A few drops liquid stevia

Pinch of cinnamon

Pinch of sea salt

To make simply melt the butter and stir in other ingredients. Drizzle (or if you’re like me, DIP) your pancakes in the ooey, sweet goodness. Oh. God. Yes.

how to make almond milk

 So if I ruined your life last week by telling you soy might not be the best thing to mix in your morning cereal, I’m going to try and patch things up between us in this next post. I don’t want any angry readers—so allow me to bribe you with the secrets of almond milk?!

Almond milk is delicious. My roommates and I go through so many boxes a week we oughta be sponsored. So I thought it might be economically feasible to make some of my own (kinda like the scrumptious Mylk UnCookies makes!)—and thankfully, it’s not too tough. If it were, I probably wouldn’t do it. Here goes:

First off, soak your almonds in some water. About 12 hours will do—this takes off all the stuff that make ’em hard for your tummy to digest. Happy tummy!

Rinse the almonds off till the water runs clear.

Next, get out your handy dandy blender, and some filtered water. Your going to want a ratio of about 1:2.7 almonds to water. In human terms, that’s about one and a half cups of almonds to four cups of filtered water. Great. Throw in a capful of vanilla extract if you like. Now blend it like an iPhone! (Or just blend it. Good.)

Yummy milky goodness on the way! But wait! Don’t drink it yet… nobody likes pulpy almond milk…

The next step is the most meticulous, and unless you’re one of the lucky ones with a nut milk bag (yes, they exist), the best method I’ve found is to secure two layers of cheesecloth around a deep bowl with a rubber band, and pour the almond mixture in—slooooowly.

And now the fun begins! Very carefully, take off the rubber band, grab the edges of the cheesecloth and hold it like the sac that it is. Now harken back to days of yore, or your childhood, or a picture you’ve seen somewhere, and milk that nutsac as hard as you can! Ohhh yeah. Squeeze every last drop of juice out of those nuts. Then get your head out of the gutter.

Hey! That’s it! That white, creamy stuff that just dripped from that nutsac? Smooth, delicious almond milk. Mmmm. Now alls you’ve got to do is funnel it into a mason jar or equally farm-y receptacle and pour it over some Rice Krispies, into your fair trade coffee, or get caraaazy and flavour it with some maple syrup, some vanilla, maybe even some cocoa powder! The world is your oyster.

this leftover stuff is almond meal—you can use it to add fiber to meals if you’d like, I’m lazy and compost it. Your call.

I haven’t got the mix juuuust right yet, and still prefer the storebought stuff. So that’s where you guys come in—if you’ve got any tips how to make it tasty, or more creamy and delicious, share ’em in the comments below pretty please? Enjoy!